Roots and Wings: Teaching Children Both Stability and Freedom

Hello my precious friends. 

There’s a saying I’ve whispered to countless parents over my fifty years in early childhood education: “Children need both roots and wings.”

Roots to know who they are.Wings to discover who they can become.

It sounds simple, but when you are in the thick of raising little ones—with toys scattered across the living room, homework papers piling on the kitchen table, and tears after a rough day at school—it can feel much harder to live out.

But I promise you this: if you can give your child both a deep sense of belonging and the confidence to explore, you’ll be preparing them for a lifetime of resilience, joy, and growth.

The Power of Roots

Roots are built in the everyday moments. Children find security not in grand gestures, but in consistency. A kiss on the forehead before bed. A family meal—even if it’s just sandwiches. A tradition of singing the same silly song in the car.

From a developmental perspective, these patterns do more than soothe. Research on attachment tells us that predictable routines actually strengthen neural pathways in the brain, helping children regulate their emotions. A child who knows what to expect feels safe enough to explore, and that safety allows for deeper learning and social-emotional growth. When children know they “belong” they feel truly safe.

Practical ways to grow roots:

· Establish Family Rituals: It doesn’t need to be fancy. Maybe Friday night is “pancake dinner night” or Sundays mean a walk around the neighborhood. Rituals say, “You belong.”

· Tell Your Stories: Share where you came from. Children love to hear about the time you got lost on the way to school, or how Grandma used to bake bread. Stories anchor identity.

· Consistency in Discipline: Discipline doesn’t mean punishment—it means teaching. When boundaries are clear and fair, children trust the ground beneath their feet.

Roots whisper to your child: “You are safe. You are loved. You belong here.”

The Gift of Wings

Now, wings. Wings are the courage to try. To stumble. To soar.

Every time a child asks, “What if?” they are flexing their wings. When they attempt a puzzle that’s too hard, stand in front of a class to share, or ask if they can climb just a little higher on the playground—they are reaching beyond what they know.

Brain science shows that risk-taking (in safe, age-appropriate ways) stimulates problem-solving and builds resilience. Children who are encouraged to stretch themselves in small ways develop confidence for the bigger challenges later on.

Practical ways to grow wings:

· Celebrate Effort, Not Just Outcome: Instead of “You’re so smart,” try “I saw how hard you worked on that.” Effort praise strengthens intrinsic motivation.

· Encourage Healthy Risks: Let them try pouring their own juice, even if it spills. Let them attempt the monkey bars, even if they don’t make it across. Wings grow with practice.

· Model Curiosity: Let your child see you trying something new—tasting a food you’ve never had, learning a skill, or asking a question. Children learn bravery by watching it lived.

Wings whisper: “You can. You are capable. You are free to try and I will be here to pick you up if you fall.”

Roots and Wings in Alphabet Town

Read the book AGAIN. You can use Alphabet Town: the abc’s of raising successful kids, to help these lessons come alive through the captivating characters.

· Alfie the Adventurous Ant shows us how determination can ground a child’s spirit—those are roots. But he also dares to dream big—that’s wings.

· Bella the Brave Bear finds the courage to speak up and try new things. Her bravery is the spread of wings, yet her friendships anchor her back to love.

· Charlie the Clever Cat reminds us that curiosity leads to growth, while community gives him the roots he needs to stay steady.

The stories are playful, yes—but they are also mirrors of what our children need every day

Bringing It Home

So how can you weave roots and wings into your home this week? Here are three simple starting places:

1.     Create a “Family Anchor.” Choose one ritual that happens no matter what. A goodnight phrase, a morning hug, or a weekly family meal. Guard it as sacred.

2.     Give a “Yes Space.” Find a spot in your home where your child can explore freely—building forts, experimenting with art, or practicing new skills. A space where failure is allowed.

3.     Balance Stability with Stretch. When your child faces something new, remind them of their roots: “We are always here cheering you on.” Then gently nudge them toward their wings: “Give it a try, even if it feels scary.”

My precious ones, roots and wings are not opposites. They are dance partners. Roots hold steady while wings take flight. Wings soar high but always know where to land.

And you, dear parents, are the gardeners who tend both—the soil that nourishes roots, and the gentle breeze that encourages wings.

Parents, I see you raising those kids so wonderfully. I am proud of each of you.