B is for Bravery: Nurturing the Brave Brain

Hello my precious friends.

Today, I want to talk with you about a virtue that lives quietly in all of us… until it’s needed. It’s not loud. It doesn’t always come with capes or costumes, like our children think. However, it is mighty and absolutely necessary. We are talking about the presence of bravery.

When we hear the word “bravery,” we picture firefighters racing into burning buildings, or superheroes leaping into action. Whether we want to admit it or not, as adults, we see bravery as loud, full of motion, and often with identifiable sacrifice. It is this very impression of “bravery” that causes us to neglect the critical fostering of a quiet bravery in our own children. 

You see, precious parents, we must acknowledge that bravery looks different in our children. Simply said, “Bravery is never the absence of being afraid, it is learning to walk forward with fear in our pocket.”

Bravery can look like raising a hand to answer a question when the child is not sure if they are correct, or climbing the ladder to go down the big slide for the first time. You can see your child’s bravery when they say “hello” and play with a new friend they just met.

You may wonder why I am taking the time to share how different bravery may look in our children. The answer is simple, but absolutely significant. You see, overlooking quiet, simple bravery is a missed opportunity in our child's development. If we do not acknowledge bravery and label this often misrepresented attribute, children will not recognize that they are brave, even when they are. Acknowledging bravery is as simple as saying, “playing with that little boy you did not yet know was brave, son," or “it’s ok to be afraid to read your story in front of the class, your bravery is with you in your pocket,” or "you were really brave climbing up to the big slide." 

Our children teach us the gift of bravery everyday, but often parents miss the opportunity to label it. When we as parents do not call it out, our children do not recognize that bravery is thriving within them, when in reality, bravery begins in the brain before you ever recognize it in your heart or externally in your actions.

The part of the brain that helps with decision-making, emotional regulation, and impulse control is called the prefrontal cortex. It’s still growing well into their twenties (yes, twenties!) This means our little ones are still learning how to evaluate risk, calm their fears, and keep trying even when their emotions tell them it is scary.

According to a 2022 study in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, children who are consistently supported in trying hard things, even when they feel nervous, begin to develop neural pathways that associate challenge with growth, not avoidance. That’s a fancy way of saying that the more we encourage small acts of bravery or intentional action, in spite of fear, the stronger their bravery brain becomes.

Brave Looks Different Every Day

Some days, bravery is marching into preschool with a big smile. Other days, it’s whispering “I’m not ready yet.” Both are brave.

Let me say that again: Both are brave.

Bravery isn’t always big. Sometimes it’s quiet. Sometimes it’s shaky. Sometimes it’s just the decision to try again tomorrow.

In Alphabet Town: the abc’s of raising successful kids, Bella the Brave Bear teaches us that bravery isn't about always being fearless. It’s about reaching inside your invisible pocket and hearing, “you can do it, remember when you rode the bike without the training wheels.”

Parents, the voice inside our children - the one that tells them "you can do it" -  is often our voice. Their memories don’t yet recall previous times they were brave, but we are here to help them with that. Reminding them of another time they were brave -  for example when they accomplish something, succeeded when they tried again, or did something new for the first time - helps them recognize how bravery shows up. When we acknowledge their quiet bravery and labeled it for them – now they know what it looks like, and that they have it inside of them even when they can't see it. 

A Simple Way to Grow Brave Together

If your child is feeling unsure about something - maybe they’re scared to join a new group, try the monkey bars, or speak in front of others - pause and ask:

“What’s the brave part of you saying right now?” 

“What’s one small step you could take?”

“Can I tell you a story about a time I was scared and tried anyway?”

“What inside your Bravery Pocket?”

Sharing your own stories of bravery, even the little examples, lets children know they’re not alone. It teaches them that bravery is part of being human, and that you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to take the next step forward.

My Brave Wish for You

To all the parents, grandparents, and caregivers reading this:

Bravery grows best in safe soil. When a child knows they are loved no matter what, they are far more willing to risk failing, falling, or fumbling.

Let them stretch. Let them stumble. And when they do, be there with open arms and encouraging words, not just for the big wins, but for every brave try.

Parents, I see you raising those kids so wonderfully. I am proud of you.

With all my heart,

Ms. Grandma Reads